Heaven is right over there

9th month of pregnancy

Thank you so much for Vitoria’s life. Saying this makes everything easier. There is a baby to be loved. There is a child who needs to be cared. She didn’t exist some months ago. She was waited and dreamed. And now she is here. I saw her when she had a bit more than half centimeter. And now I hold her in my arms, I feel her breathing, her warm, her little hands delicately moving. She is so special.

Vitoria’s life helped me to see not only life, but also death in a different way. When we found out, during pregnancy, that Vitoria had acrania, a serious malformation that would became anencephaly, that she could die at any moment, and probably would not survive after birth, it was so hard. It was the hardest pain I’ve ever felt in my heart. I cried the saddest tears of all my life.

I loved that baby. I dreamed with her and I was fighting for her each instant since I knew she was there. I found out her life on sixth week of pregnancy. It was a great joy. There was a child on our way. But I was having some bleedings and I had to stay in rest to protect that little embryo with 0,58 cm. I asked so much to God to let that baby stay with us. I already loved her so much. Some people told me maybe I could lose that baby. It was very often in first pregnancy. And if it happened, I could get pregnant again. But I couldn’t accept it so naturally. There was a life and it wouldn’t be natural to lose it. I couldn’t just accept my baby would die. I felt I had to fight for its life. I was so afraid of losing my baby.

9th month of pregnancy

But when death became a real and close possibility, something changed. I cried for some days. I looked for strength in God. I prayed and read the words of Jesus telling us to believe in the impossible, to have faith. And I decided to believe God could make the miracle of healing Vitoria and could allow her to live. But something had changed. I didn’t need to be afraid, to make strength to keep her alive. She already had a serious problem and now God was entirely in control. I started to feel I was free. Free for living. There was a life inside of me influencing me with her will to live despite of a serious problem. So I could also live with the same freedom and joy, despite of my problems, of my difficulties.

Every time I went to the doctor´s appointment, there she was, with her little heart beating firmly, strong and constant, despite of everything. So I could also keep on firmly, strong and constant, despite of my fragilities, of the hard situations we were facing and that brought so much instability to me and Marcelo. Vitoria could die, but she was alive. Instead of cry for the possibility of her death, I started to thank God everyday for her live. And that’s what I’m still doing nowadays.

Vitoria two weeks old

But death is always a possibility following us. Because of that, I started to think much more about Jesus’ promises about eternal life. About the eternal home He went to prepare for us, when He gave himself in the cross to carry our sins and to set us free from all our guilt. I started to think much more about heaven. About the fragility of this life we live, with a so vulnerable and perishable body. I started to thank Jesus much more for what He did for us. Thanks to Him, one day Vitoria will have a perfect body. One day she will be healed. God didn’t fail in His promises. Thanks to Jesus I can be happy for having a daughter, despite of her serious problem. Thanks to Jesus I don’t need to be so afraid about death as people usually are.

Thanks to Jesus I can call my daughter Vitoria, despite she was born with a serious malformation. Because thanks to Jesus she won’t die. She is the victory of Christ.

Vitoria helped me to think much more about Jesus. With Vitoria, it seems that heaven is right over there. That’s why it is so easy to smile when we are with her.

Vitoria four days old